there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
