Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize