is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
