I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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