Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
