I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
