ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
