Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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