She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
