Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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