Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
