she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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