Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize