Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
