How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
