Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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