I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
