she looked like the before picture.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
