I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Houston, we have a squirter
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
