Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
