the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
