Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
