I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
