How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
