If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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