My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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