I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i permit you to call me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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