Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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