I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
