So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
