We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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