For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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