I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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