SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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