theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
