I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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