I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
