we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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