didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
