u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize