youre lurking in front of me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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