If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
