Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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