Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
