he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
