we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
