i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
