Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
