Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
