just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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