You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She bit a glass in half.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
