Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
