Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
