I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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