I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
