You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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