I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
