and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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