So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
