Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
