I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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