i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
