Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
