How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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