My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
