Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
