This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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