i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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