Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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